Frank Talk: Taxes

It's time to explain what's really wrong with taxes

Sorry, but once again I’m getting a bit political. I don’t think very many people think deeply about the subject of taxes, and it’s time for that to change.

Taxes. I just despise them. I mean, what’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “taxes”? For me, it’s that mean troll who lives under the bridge and says he’ll eat me if I don’t pay him $27.

Now, you might say a toll is different than a tax. And I don’t know; maybe it is. I’m not a dictionary. But to me this is the essence of taxes: a horrible creature that will gobble you up if you don’t pay him what he wants.

I don’t want to pay this troll, and I don’t see why I should. People say taxes are necessary, but I don’t see it. It’s not like the money is going to the bridge -- which is in horrible condition. I have no idea what the troll is spending it on. Or how he came up with $27 as the charge. Is that based on something specific? I keep wanting to ask him why not an even $30, but then I just fear he’ll say, “Yeah, you’re right. Give me three more dollars.”

So, yeah, I don’t like it. And I don’t want to pay it, and I’m always looking for a way out. Some may call this “tax avoidance.” I don’t know what the troll calls it, but he’s always like, “What are you doing over there? You’re not looking for a billy goat, are you?” And that’s big brother for you -- always wanting to know what you’re doing in a field known for sometimes having goats. And what is a billy goat, anyway? Is it different than a regular goat? And how big does it have to be to chase away a troll?

I never know the answer to these questions. So I just pay the troll the $27. But I hate it. It’s theft. Taxation is theft.

And I swear one of these days I’m going to find a different route to Chipotle.