Best of the Bee: Part 9
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Best of the Bee: Part 9
My favorite posts I wrote for The Babylon Bee
It’s time once again to go over the best of the approximately 666 articles I wrote for The Babylon Bee. This time we go from September 2020 to the end of that year.
I’m compiling these by going through my drafts folder for all my Bee articles, and there was one I wanted to include but couldn’t find — “New Voter Registration Waiting Period Makes Sure People Don’t Vote in the Heat of Passion”. That must have not been published. I actually have a decent number of articles I wrote but never got published for one reason or another; maybe later I can do a post of my articles that never got used.
So Close: Biden Gives Speech Denouncing Violins
I don’t have much to say about this one except it’s a funny pun, and I always liked it for its simplicity. Biden’s senility is about the best source of humor for him; he’s not this overflowing well like Trump.
Trump was always getting accused of inciting violence, so of course my mind goes, “What’s the most obvious way to do that that it would be ridiculous to deny that’s what he’s doing?” Why, floating over a city in a balloon chanting, “Fight! Fight! Fight!” of course!
New Constitutional Amendment Grants Winner Of Popular Vote A Free Framed Certificate
Some people make a big deal that Hillary got the popular vote like that’s worth something in an electoral contest. It doesn’t even mean she’d necessarily have won the election if it were to be determined by popular votes since then campaigning and voting patterns would be completely different. Still, I guess she can get something for that. I do like the stinger at the end of this article.
Autobiographical. When I was a kid, a next-gen system was a mind-blowing thing as the graphics were unbelievable — doing things the previous system could never imagine. But I honestly can’t tell a screenshot of a PS3 game from a PS5 game. You really have to stare hard and squint to see the next-gen improvements, and my eyes are getting old.
New VidAngel Bible App Removes The Sex And Violence To Make It Appropriate For Christians
Another somewhat autobiographical one. I teach Bible to my kids in the morning, and for a while, I was just reading straight through the old testament until I hit sections where I was like, “This isn’t appropriate for kids.”
“I’ll read you more of God’s word when you’re older.”
Trump Tries To Win Suburban Women By Starring In Series Of Romance Novels
I don’t have much to say on this one other than I think it was a really funny idea for how Trump — being in character — might try to improve his polling with suburban women.
Journalists Switch From Offense To Defense
I love this one; I think it illustrates the modern press pretty well. It’s pretty much true that if you want the press to hold power accountable, you better elect Republicans. Otherwise, they’re the interference you have to work through to find out what’s going on.
Senate Grills Big Tech On How To Get Their Printer Working
I often like writing ones that are basically radio plays, and this is a good example. And it’s always funny to me the Senators grilling tech people when they’re so old and know nothing about it.
Trump Plans To Upstage Biden Inauguration By Jumping The Grand Canyon In A Rocket Car
This includes one of my all-time favorite jokes — Cookie Monster Milwaukee — though a lot of people didn’t get it. My wife, the lovely and talented SarahK, who edited nearly all my articles, got it, but the Bee editors didn’t but left it in anyway.
The joke tells a whole story. The way it’s supposed to work is when Trump references the president who served two non-consecutive terms and says, “Cookie Monster Milwaukee,” you’re supposed to go, “That’s not right. That’s Grover Cleavland.” And then you go, “Oh, he must have just stored the name in his head as ‘Sesame Street Character + Midwest City’ and then got confused.”
For some people, it worked.
Old, Failed Idea Repackaged As New, Progressive Idea
That’s the way it always is. We have a whole century of their economic ideas failing — but even their libertine attitudes on sex are also things tried by collapsed societies. The only real new ideas not fully tried are liberty. That’s why I’m a classical liberal — pushing tried and true radical ideas.
That’s it for now! Next time, into my final year at The Babylon Bee.
Best of the Bee: Part 9
I remember many of your Babylon Bee articles at the time, all very good, several laugh out loud funny. Thank you for bringing them to remembrance to enjoy once again.