Best of the Bee: Part 11
Best of the Bee: Part 11
The best The Babylon Bee posts written by me, Frank
It’s time once again for the best of the approximately 666 articles I wrote for The Babylon Bee. This group covers April to June of 2021, now into the Biden presidency.
Different states approached the pandemic differently. Texas (where I live) was mostly over it by the time the first wave ended in 2020, and masks were a rarity into 2021. The thing that fascinated me about masks is how they’re usually associated with bad guys, but then people made them all about virtue signaling. I did a few jokes along that vein.
In this article, I use the joke that everyone in Texas is nicknamed “Tex,” which I think I’ve used in a few other Texas articles.
We’re more than a year past this one, but it’s still the case that some people are clinging to the pandemic. It’s unclear when they’d ever feel safe again and what exactly they thought the point of vaccines was.
I love this one. It’s just pure dumb. Some of the most fun I have is taking a ridiculous position and arguing it as seriously as possible. I love how this article really runs with that everyone thought those cats really were asking for Meow Mix.
Report: People Have Been Thinking All White Men Are Terrible But It Turns Out It’s Just Steve
Grr! Steve!
You might notice over the years I have a particular humorous fascination with extremely common names like Bob, Steve, and Gary.
‘I’m Perfectly Healthy,’ Says Joe Biden Through A Medium At A Séance
It’s not always easy to come up with new jokes about Biden being old and feeble, but I take my job seriously.
Whimsical Father Pretends To Mishear Son Saying His Name Is ‘Hungry’, Spreading Good Cheer To All
An alternate world where my dad jokes are properly appreciated. I also just love the concept of someone responding, “Oh. How droll,” to a joke.
Republicans Propose Cheaper’ Medicare For Al’
What can I say? I like a good pun. I also liked really running with this and comparing the costs of Medicare for All to providing it for just one guy.
Schools To Get Around CRT Bans By Just Beating White Kids With Sticks
I mean, this does get to the core of CRT teaching, right? I also somehow snuck some Texas jokes in here. I just love making fun of Texas with how I live there and my wife is a native Texan.
Wright Brothers’ Flying Machine Hailed As Breakthrough In Getting Small Children To Eat
Another one I just love. It came from an actual thought: How did people entice small children to open their mouths for a spoon before the airplane was invented? It’s just uniquely analogous for that. Thankfully it came along to help out parents.
This is about what I consider the absolute worst anti-gun argument — one I’m pretty sure has never once convinced anyone else to become anti-gun and has most likely pushed people the other way. That’s the argument that there’s no point to having guns to defend against a tyrannical government because if your government decides to go full Nazi, their weaponry is way too powerful for you to stop them. I think this article was responding specifically to someone saying you would need F15s to fight back against the government.
I can’t remember what this was specifically responding to — most likely yet another incident of Biden being casually racist — but I like how stupid it is where Biden tries to solve the problem without ever suggesting one maybe take off the sombrero.
New Variant Found To Be Twice As Virulent And Blah Blah Blah Whatever Who Cares At This Point
They’re still doing this, trying to hype up a new variant that’s emerging, but most people were already beyond caring over a year ago. First, it was “two weeks to slow the spread” where we were just trying to keep hospitals from being inundated, then we all had to shut down until a vaccine was available, and then after the vaccine was available… well, I still don’t understand where they think things end now. They kept moving the goalposts, and most people just stopped playing the game.
That’s it until next time! What was your favorite Bee article of mine?
This may be your best batch yet, all very, very good. You went out with a bang.
It's almost impossible to pick out a favorite in this batch they're all that good. If I had to choose one, I'll go with beating white kids with sticks under CRT.
Like the Minnesota teachers union which negotiated firing white teachers first, regardless of seniority. Pure leftist insanity.
Puts a new spin on the American dream from a UK perspective and from an Irishman. Keep it up.