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A Frank Guide to British Politics
Eight (8) things to know about Britain and its government
You may have seen the news that something is happening with Britain and its prime minister. British politics can be a confusing subject, so I’m going to help you understand it by telling you eight things you need to know about Britain and its government.
Britain is a monarchy. They have a king, like something from Lord of the Rings. They might also have wizards; I’m not sure. Their royalty doesn’t actually have much power are mainly just celebrities, though; it’s like the Kardashians having a formal role in government.
Britain is sometimes called England. It’s confusing because sometimes they talk about “Britain” and other times “England,” but it’s actually the same thing. Britain is just the formal name for England.
Britain is just a little island. Britain used to be big and powerful, but it’s not even a real country. It’s just like a little island, like Hawaii. But you wouldn’t want to have a beach vacation there because it’s always overcast and the beaches are all coved in mist and probably haunted.
The main export from Britain is TV show templates. To understand British politics, it helps to understand their economy, and Britain currently makes money by developing good show premises that America then pays to make better by replacing all the actors with Americans, like replacing Ricky Gervais with Steve Carrell. That’s why British seasons are so tiny — like six episodes or less — because it’s just a demo hoping Americans will like the show idea and make a proper length season.
Britain doesn’t have a president but has a prime minister. Because Britain isn’t a proper country, it can’t have a president like us. So instead, it has a prime minister. Of all the ministers in Britain, he is the foremost.
It is unknown how many subprime ministers Britain has. This is kind of a scary thing. They could be numerous and anywhere — perhaps hiding in some castle. Hopefully, the CIA is keeping a lookout for them.
The prime minister is elected by the loudest harumphing. The people do not vote on the prime minister; instead, he is chosen by parliament by everyone harumphing at each other. Whoever harumphs loudest gets their pick.
The country is far away, and nothing that happens there affects us. It’s useful to remember that Britain is a foreign country; thus, nothing there affects us, and knowing about its politics is for entertainment purposes only. Britain used to be important — we even fought wars against them back in musket days — but that was when they were more powerful and probably had land on a continent and weren’t just a tiny island.
Hopefully, you feel informed now!
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